So, I should start by saying.... I love Audrey and Loretta more than anything in this world. And I would never want to live my life without them.. With that being said I will start to tell you all the things they do that make me mumble to myself, "have kids they said....it'll be fun they said!"
Now, if you are a parent, I'm sure you can relate to this blog.. and if you can't then I hope it at least gives you a good laugh.
Do you ever have those moments or even days when you find yourself asking for the happy hour special at Dunkin donuts (2-5) but its only 12:30? Okay good, glad i'm not the only one. Do you ever think to yourself...."man I sure wish I could eat this cookie a normal speed!" because your shoveling them in your mouth as fast as you can before the little seagulls come around the corner and bust you saying "MINE, MINE, MINE, MINE!" Yeah me too. Often I know I look at my friend Elena and say, "Have kids they said, it'll be fun they said.." yeah I don't know who THEY are but if I ever meet them I've got a few bones to pick with THEM.
No really, I love my children so much, i'm literally obsessed with them but some times I am like DAMN kids what in the world is up with youuuuu?!?!?!
One of my favorite things that Audrey does to me is when I'm in the kitchen she will get between me and the cabinets and push me away from the stove or whatever I'm doing on the counter......She doesn't even need anything!!!!! She just doesn't want the counter to have my attention apparently, I don't know. Also, I really like when we are going to have company, and I clean the house...you know run the vacuum, fix the couch pillows, pick up the play room, shove everything I don't want the guests to see in our bedroom....the usual. As soon as the kids see the house is clean its like an alarm goes off and they instantly are like, "OMG Mom just cleaned the house, TORNADO MODE ENGAGED!!" I swear, they trash the play room, drop crumbs all over the floor, or better yet, step on fruit and smash it into the tile, throw their sippy cups across the room so they splatter everywhere, fill up bags of toys and dump them all over the kitchen floor for me, etc.. all of this goes down in about 2.5 minutes. I could have went to the bathroom and come back to this wreckage. Its literally that fast.
Lately, something that really makes me wonder why "they" told us to have kids, is this ear piercing scream my girls like to do... Sometimes its for no reason at a all. Sometimes it could be that Audrey pulled Lorettas hair... or maybe its because Loretta told me she wanted "somesssssig" and I gave her the wrong "somessssssing". This scream...Yeah, you know the one.... it makes the hair on your neck stand up... it LITERALLY makes your ears want to bleed. Yeah girl, that one.... I believe this has been happening for about 2 weeks now.. The other evening I was giving the girls a shower and Audrey had a little cup in her hand and Loretta took it and Audrey did THE SCREAM.... and it lasted for a good 10 seconds straight.. It was so loud Adam came running in from downstairs wondering who the heck was hurt. Good times... Good times..
If I asked you right now to go outside or in your garage and take a picture of your backseat, would you be embarrassed? Or, are your kids so well trained that they never throw their cups into the floor, or stash half eaten snacks in the creases of their carseats, or my favorite do they KICK THE BACK OF YOUR SEAT WHILE YOUR DRIVING and have muddy feet prints all over your headrests?? So mine isn't too bad..... We have some random toys... a few socks that got taken off and will probably make it into the house in a month or so... and sometimes I have to try and be a contortionist and squeeze through the little gap between seat and the console I like to call "No Mans Land" to reach the last Apple Jacks they decided to throw at each other and missed. Does this sound familiar? Awesome.
Do you ever take your children out somewhere and they're absolutely the most well behaved little angels you've ever laid your eyes on? HA ME EITHER! I just love when we roll up to Target and they're both screaming with excitement. I have figured out that is excitement because they're about to JACK S*IT UP honaayyyy. Yes, I start off by letting Loretta walk because well she wants to of course.. That lasts all of about 3 minutes because she is touching EVERYTHING she walks past, which makes things fall and I have to pick them up, she's walking super slow, and almost getting taken out by super mom over here sipping her Starbucks with her iPhone in her hand and her hair and makeup on fleek 😑 not paying one lick of attention to this little blonde angel dragging her new sneakers across the nasty never cleaned floor! Then theres Audrey, perfect little baby Audrey.. She has went through my purse, thrown out my phone into the cart, and gnawing on my debit card. GREAT. I love Target.. I go in for like 3 things and come out with probably one of those things and 8948523 other things, and ready for that DD $2 latte special 😂....Hold the whip cream... *whispers* extra whip cream please! 😂
"Have kids they said, it'll be fun they said."
